A Missing Llama

mathiasz_study_halo study_mathiasz

Studies of Mathias Z’s amazing art. I know I can’t do his stuff justice (OR draw llamas apparently), but I try, and I learn. Got that feeling of loneliness again as soon as I sit down in front of the computer and open Photoshop. I just need other people to chat with, or draw together with  I think. My brain is not an introvert one, so I tend to get most of my energy (like 70%) from meeting, talking to or hanging out with other people. Spending too much time alone is not optimal for me or the way I operate. Managed to fight that feeling of loneliness today for long enough to make these studies.

If I would ever go to art school it would most likely be to draw and paint in an environment together with other people I guess.

5 thoughts on “A Missing Llama

  1. Andreas

    Interesting. I suppose I’m one of those introverts since I can go for days without any real human interaction and still get things done, although having a constant internet connection helps significantly even if I’m not reaching out to anyone. Simply knowing that I can is reassuring enough, and a good substitute in my opinion.
    But I don’t think anyone really likes to be lonely, in its literary sense. I’ve felt alone and it’s not a pleasant feeling. Any other time I’m simply by myself which I see as a completely different thing.

    I don’t have much of a point here, more an observation, but if you feel loneliness getting to you it’s still possible to get as much energy out of negative sensations as of positive, albeit a bit more difficult sometimes, but that’s where art is so great. It’s a form of expression and expressing yourself is therapy. Holding stuff in is what does the real damage.

    Anyway, nice studies. I think I see a bit less contrast in yours compare to the original. Is the purpose exclusively to study how others use color? In that case maybe you could try making a completely new image but use the same palette, to convey more what the colors mean to you, perhaps even putting a twist to it.

    1. Saxen Post author

      I was guessing you are a bit more introverted than me, hehe. For me it’s like I gain a certain kind of energy from hanging out with people IRL. I get the feeling that “everything is possible” and I think the best way to describe is that it gives me the feeling of being alive. It makes me feel like I live in the moment…I think it’s called domamine. Extroverts usually get a lot of energy from hanging out with others and get plenty of dompamine, while extroverts also get dopamine from socializing, but the dopamine sometimes makes them tired or feeling drained after hanging out (with big groups of people).

      But I then again, I do need some time for myself. I need to be alone and just sink into my own fantasy world. But in order to do that and be able to fully concentrate on being on my own, I first need to “collect” energy from hanging out with other people.

      I know that people are different when it comes to this, that you are born a certain way and that scientist are able to measure the differences in brain structure between extroverts and introverts. When we did the personality tests at Tarsier I identifies as one of the few extroverts at the company, which was no surprise to me. What did surprise me was that the wast majority of the tests came back as introverts. If you pick 1000 people straight from the streets the majority of them will be extroverts to some degree.

      I really wish I could be a little more introverted sometimes. I think it would make it easier for me to focus on tasks that require grinding alone to reach a goal far away (like my art). But since I’m an extrovert in an industry that mostly consists of introverts there are some advantages to that as well : ) Just gotta make sure I don’t come across as annoying to introverts since I like stuff like improvised meetings, fast decisions, a lot of micro breaks when working and talking loudly to someone when solving problems. I know I got some traits that may annoy introverts, hehe.

  2. Andreas

    I know that feeling. It’s quite empowering actually. I get it when there’s a sense of plan and direction in the group which makes whatever task there is to undertake worthwhile. Not sure if I get it that much from trivial interactions. There needs to be some sort of exchange, be it ideas, knowledge or how we actually feel. The sort of things that confirms that those other figures are actually humans as well and maybe have similar faults or struggles.

    But back to the introvert/extrovert thing. I was so introverted I didn’t even participate in the company examination, heh. We all got our “handicaps” I suppose but there’s nothing to feel bad about. Whatever we see as a weakness we can work around, maybe even turn to a strength. Your said lack of introvertedness (which spell-check does not approve of apparently) is already a strength in a sense. While it may be difficult to work alone all the time I can imagine you probably have an easier time exposing yourself which is half the work anyway.

    1. Saxen Post author

      I know what feeling you are talking about (perhaps). I think that feeling you get when you talk to someone and you feel that everything is possible and that you have a mission…I think that feeling is somehow related to flow. This summer I realized that it’s not only things or activities (like drawing or playing a sport or creating stuff) that has the ability to put you into flow, but people also.

      Some people seem to be able to put you into flow when you are hanging out with them or talking to them. Does this make any sense, what I’m suggesting? It’s like you forget about time, you feel challenged in a good way, you discover new things by talking to them and afterwards to are happy/full of energy/ready to start something new…They make you feel like your brain is growing, and essentially it makes you feel “alive” I guess…?

      I think I get that feeling quite easily when talking to other people because I tend to gravitate towards people who wanna have these kinds of more deep and meaningful discussion, and I also try to make the discussions about more meaningful topics, not staying in the “shallow end of the pool” and talk weather and such. Not all people want to or have the ability to talk about the kind of things I wanna talk about, simply because we are different and to some it just feels way too personal to talk about “non-safe” topics like the news, weather and such.

      So when I meet people who are willing to have deeper discussions about the things that matter here in life, I feel so lucky and happy : )

      I totally agree that my extrovertness (not a word yepp) helps me put myself out there. But sometimes I just feel like maybe…I don’t know…I wish I could sit for weeks and months and grind and don’t be so dependent on interactions with other people. But I guess you can’t level up to your true form (haha sorry) and develop your full potential if you don’t accept who you are and use that to its fullest advantages. And for me I need to accept that I’m not the kind of grinder who can lock myself up in a cave and come out two years later and have mastered some skill after working non-stop 24/7. It’s just that this business we are in kinda looks up to those who can do that, and regards other ways of working as “filthy casuals”. Or that’s at least the feeling I get sometimes. I don’t know.

  3. Andreas

    I think it makes perfect sense. Creativity needs its state of mind, and any intellectual stimulation can certainly help.

    I do recognize the ideal of the workaholic artist. Sure some severe grind may work a year or two but you’ll burn out sooner or later and most likely ruin your health in the process, and where’s the joy in that? Hard work is only worth it if you come out stronger in the end, and if the work in this case is not your own then the only one who’s gaining anything from your sacrifice is the client/employer.

    There’s no right way in doing things anyway. Whatever works for you is right. I guess the “no shortcuts” philosophy would be one of the few things that applies to most of us.


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